Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
