Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
