You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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