Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
