wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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