no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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