Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
