Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
