4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
