how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize