I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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