btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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