I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
