Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize