I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
