guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
