I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
