actually, I'm a sock model
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
