I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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