i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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