My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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