I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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