from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
