No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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