I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Apparently you make a good broom.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
