Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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