Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
