If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
