I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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