i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
