New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
