He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I FOUND THE LEGS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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