yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
