If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
