New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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