Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
