i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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