So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
