i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
