i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize