OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm both gender and math confused
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
