I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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