I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
