yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
