1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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