You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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