Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
