I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So vagazzling was a success
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
