Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize