He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
