I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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