hotel room ftw
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
