I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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