Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
