you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
