You're my little dorito
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
