even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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