I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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