I think I am morally bankrupt
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
