If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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