my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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