does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
