I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
