im drinking this country out of the recession.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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