I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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