Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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