i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
