the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
