do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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