I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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