i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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