I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
