Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
