your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
