when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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