Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is classic penis vs brain.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
