He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
