thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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